Create Lasting Memories Before Empty Nest

It seems to have been the worst summer for accomplishing tasks, whether they have been enjoyable or enforced because of job-related requirements. Studying web pages, reference books, drafting lesson plans, reading literature, etc. have all been a part of my day since before school ended. Family schedules for vacations have not been convenient since my son is preparing to leave for basic training, my daughter is going from piano lessons to church camp to friends’ houses, and my husband is traveling and dealing with unimaginable issues with the military, and my schoolwork seems to have dominated. Yet, with all the busyiness, my son leaving home for the first time has weighed heavily on me. It seems that no matter how hard I try to stay busy or how hard I try to think of other things, my heart hurts with the thought of him leaving.

FINALLY, I see an opening where we can all be together for the full day. I tell the family we are headed to Beaver Lake. A pontoon is waiting for us and the weather is going to be great. I truly want us to have family time before my son leaves the following Thursday for basic training, before my husband continues dealing with military operations, and before my daughter and I plunge into the “before-school-must-do-list.” These things are secondary to my empty nest feelings, and by golly, we are going to have a good day.

It seems that I am the only one feeling the tension of my son leaving home. Everyone else seems to be acting normal and do not even allude to his leaving. He and his sister fight about how to best load the car for the lake and about whose snacks belong to whom. My husband sternly tells them to get over it and get the car packed. Typical impatience from him. I would normally be irritated, but I watch and am loving every minute of it. I guess as a mom, I felt irritated at the normal "scrimmages" between my kids and have even been known to "blow up" a "few" times, but now it seems like music to my ears. If I shared that with my husband, he would tell me how he would not miss the kids arguing at all and that I was crazy. The thought of my son's empty room and not having him around to talk to, to laugh with, and to just be in the same house does make me feel extremely sad and discombobulated. This family day is just what I need.

We get to the lake, the sun is shining, it is 100 degrees, and all conditions are perfect for the day. The water is a beautiful dark, aqua-blue, the hills around us are gorgeous with dark greens of every type of tree, and the lake houses are the type you dream about living in during your retirement years because that is probably when you would have time and money to take full advantage of such a pleasure.

The cooler has lots of water for all, soda for the kids, beer for dad, and a wine cooler for mom. Food consists of Doritos, Frito Scoops with Frito jalapeno cheese dip, white grapes, and Cheetoes. Nope, I did not even care about nutrition, just fun.

We pull into a cove and there are hardly any other boats on the lake – which is the beautiful draw to Beaver Lake. We take our floating devices and jump in and talk and laugh and just enjoy each other. My husband and I watch as our son swims across the cove without a floatation device, and I say, “Is it silly that I want to swim behind him with this floaty in case he gets tired?” My husband raises an eyebrow at me and gives me a lopsided grin that clearly means, “YES!”

Feeling like a drama queen, I sigh, “I think I am the ONLY mother who has EVER gone through this empty nest syndrome; at the very least, my experience has been WORST than everyone else’s.” My husband laughs at me and tells me to get over myself. I know most mothers must feel this way, but it empty nest syndrome is so personal that it seems like no one else could possibly feel my pain. He is not empathetic in the least, though.

I give another loud sigh, and say, “Well, maybe the Virgin Mary.” For which his reply is, “He [our son] ain’t no Jesus.” With false indignation and throwing my snoot in the air, I swim away while he laughs at me. If I do not put humor or sarcasm into a situation, I would fold and be a miserable mess because it is all barely under the surface.

The day is lazy and our kids are getting along – miracle of miracles!! I mention to my husband, partly out of retaliation of his “diminishing” my pain, that our 13 year old daughter has developed into a beautiful young woman. He can’t stand it. I mean, "boys" looking at her with interest kills him, mainly because he remembers being an adolescent boy and how he used to think about pretty girls. I mention the boy at the dock where we rented the pontoon and how he was shyly sneaking peaks at our daughter who was noticing. My husband, unlike my earlier “mature” behavior, went into fits – putting his fingers in his ears and singing loudly, “LALALALALA!! I can’t hear you!!! LA LA LA LA LA!!” Guess that will teach him to make fun of me being sad about both our children growing up. BAHAHAHA!!

The time passes quickly!! Our family day relaxing and talking and playing is over. It is time to go home and back to reality. UGH!! My schoolwork is still there and the day for my son to leave is coming too fast.

The day arrives, and I am without humor or sarcasm that I usually use to mask my feelings. I do have plenty of tears and a sense of feeling silly because in the scheme of life, this is not a horrible thing to happen. Gee, we raised a good kid with great values and he is going away for 6 months - - so big deal, right? Right??

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